People are Messy

As I sit here trying to think about how to best describe the past few days in the right words it's challenging.

All I can come up with are these three simple words:

People are messy

We are a crazy emotional lot, sometimes easily offended, easily angered, and not as forgiving as we should be. We hurt easily, break easily and probably more often than we'd like to admit, we lose our way just as easily.

Just this past week I've encountered the postpartum mother, who is doing her best to keep up with all the little ones while crazy hormones do their thing in her body.

I've come across the friend who for whatever reason is more easily offended at this point in time and just needs to be loved, reassured, and maybe even given a bit of "tough love" to help them through to the other side of this.

I've been run over and completely thrown for a loop by a friend, who though they meant well, said some very hurtful things. And while God has graciously given me enough insight to know that what they said was fueled mostly by fear and selfishness, it still stings like slap to the face or a sucker punch to the gut.

And that's just to list a few of us messys that are out there. I could go on.

It makes me ask God, why do you continue to love us so much when we clearly don't deserve it? Why are You so patient with us??

And you know what he said to me?

One word:

Potential

He sees us not just where we are, or how we are. He sees our potential. He sees the awesome plans he has for our lives, plans to prosper us and not to harm us. Plans for a hope and a future (Jer. 29:11).

And while we're still mucking through our everyday muck He's right there loving us ever so patiently. Waiting for us to turn to him as our source of every need, physical, emotional, spiritual, or what have you.

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for loving us so much! Thank you for all the potential you see in me, and for not giving up on me. Thank you for promising that, You who began a good work in me, will be faithful to complete it. And help to know that even when it doesn't look like it from where I'm at, you're still working in me and in those around me! Help me to see the potential you see in others, so that I can love them like you do.

You are an awesome God.

Amen

C2 5k Day 1

My treadmill is broken. It's a very sad thing. I love my treadmill. I prefer to run in the privacy of my home as opposed to on the street or the gym. But alas, it's broken, and has been for quite some time. The good news though, is I have the part! I just need help fixing it.

Broken treadmill or not, I'm not going to let that stop me from my newest exercise goal routine. :)

Have you heard of the recent fad Couch to 5k? I actually heard about it over a year and a half ago, but never paid much attention to it.

For those that don't know, it's a 9 week program that gets you moving and running at least 3 times a week until you reach the goal of running 5k. It's really pretty cool. You can go out to iTunes and download free podcasts for each week. There's a narrator that tells you when to walk and when to run.

Today was my first day trying it. I was able to run 5 of the 8 one minute segments of running. It's not that great, I guess, for some, but for this couch potato who has been horrible in eating and exercise habits, I feel awesome about it. I know that by the end of this week I'll be able to run all 8 one minute segments without a problem.

My mental mantra this morning: I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Jehovah Jirah my provider, He provides the strength I need to see this through to completion!

God is so good.

Can't sleep...I think I'll blog...

There are so many random thoughts rolling around in my head tonight as I lay here in my bed tossing and turning thinking about how early I want to get up and knowing full well the longer I'm awake the harder it will be to get up....

It's time to start making changes in my life. Spiritual, physical, emotional. The whole bit. And for the first time in over a year I feel ready, energized, and willing to start making those changes.

Over a year ago I lost my job. And that's when my "world" came crashing down. I absolutely loved my life up to that point. My job wasn't exactly stress-free but life outside of work was so satisfying that it made up for the sucky-ness of the job. But that's not the point.

When I lost my job I desperately tried to hang onto life as I knew it, even though deep down I knew the time I had left in the place I love most was quickly running out. Besides trying to process through the emotional crisis that comes with losing a job I also had to re-adjust living back in the states, in my parents house. Not only that the situation at home wasn't one I wanted to be apart of either, stresses with my brother and his family, a nephew born with a serious physical condition shortly after I arrived back. I was devastated.How could I have failed so miserably? What had I done to deserve this? WHY GOD WHY??? People telling me, "Well you know you're here for such a time as this...God brought you back for a reason" .... I knew he did, but at the time I could only respond with "God brought me back so I could be miserable?" You see, the ache in my heart was too great to be anything but hurt at God for the way he decided to move me.

This is the horrible condition I've been in for the past year. Hardly able to cope with life as I now know it. Feeling lost in a desolate wasteland. What the heck was God doing? Why the heck am I back here???

Until recently I haven't been able to see much past this huge pain in my heart. Each day just going through the motions, putting up a bold front, clinging to little shreds of happiness from my "former way of life". Honestly it's been miserable.

But God is really so good to me. He's been here with me through it all. Patiently waiting for me to stop asking, "Why???". Patiently waiting for me to turn to him for my comfort and not food or friends or tv or what have you. Patiently waiting for me to want to know Him more. Patiently. Waiting.

So here I am. Like waking up from a bad dream that lasted way to long. Here I am. Ready to stop asking "Why????" and ready to come before his throne of grace and let Him heal my hurting heart, ready to let Him show me what it is he is preparing me for, to show me what it is He desires most for me.

What has brought me out of this cloud I've been living in the past year or so? I think the fact that it's been a year and I'm still in the exact same place has something to do with it. I don't want to be stuck walking in the same sad cycle year after year. It's time to move on.

In January my pastor always calls the church to a fast. This too, I believe, has been key in shocking me back to reality. It's the little effort I made toward God that has started a slow snow-balling process into wanting more of him.

Since that fast, I can honestly say, my desire has been just to know God more. Slowly (I could probably even say VERY slowly) I've started making little changes in my daily habits. Trying to wake up a little earlier just to spend time with God. Reading my Bible a little more. Finding books that encourage me in my walk. Putting God first in my day before checking Facebook, my email, and chatting with friends online. Baby steps in the right direction.

And now I'm ready to take it a step further. I want to really know God more. I want to live a Spirit-filled, disciplined life pleasing and acceptable to God and God alone. I want him to be what I crave the most, more than friendships, more than family, more than ministry, more than food.

And that's my next step. Putting food in the right place in my life. As you can imagine, having my heart ache and break for so long the thing I've tried to comfort myself with the most has been food. Giving it a higher place in my life than God. God forgive me.

So here's my plan.

I just read the most amazing book, Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeusts. In her book is all about her journey to know God better as she practiced putting Scripture to use in the area of healthy choices in what she ate. She really didn't say anything new that I didn't already know, but reading that book, I believe, has been the catalysis for launching me further in my walk with God.

These quotes right here are just two of many that I have highlighted in the book:

"How do you grow close to God? I answered, "By making the choice to deny ourselves something that is permissible but not beneficial. And making this intentional sacrifice for the sole purpose of growing closer to God. After all, Jesus Himself said, "if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me" Luke 9:23"

"After all, remember the ultimate goal of this journey isn't about making me a smaller sized person but rather making me crave Jesus and His truths as the ultimate filler of my heart."

And so that's where I am, folks. I want to know God more. And I am, from this point on, making intentional sacrifices for the sole purpose of growing closer to Him.

This means, for a while, no more Dr. Pepper (0r other carbonated beverages), no more sweets, less of the high calorie, more of the good for you foods.

This also means a more dedicated approach to exercise. I am actually starting a running program couch to 5k. In 9 weeks I can be running 5k! That's only if I stay consistent on leaning on God to help me keep up a more disciplined lifestyle. And I know, he will as long as I'm willing.

I hope that if you happen to read this, you too are encouraged in your journey to know God more. I also hope that this is the first of many more posts that proclaim God's goodness to me in my life!

The Whatever Rule

Today I have been challenged by what I like to call the

"Whatever Rule"

found in

Philippians 4:8 (Amplified)

For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].

What are you doing?

What are you thinking?

What are you watching?

What are you listening to?

What are you speaking?

Does it fit into the "Whatever Rule"?

What a challenge!